The Sunlight of the Spirit: Help for Families in Addiction Recovery in Pittsburgh & Southwestern Pennsylvania. 412-429-1047

Family Support Groups • Family Therapists • Grief and Bereavement Specialists • 12-Step Work Shops • Meditation Groups & Yoga
Speaker’s Bureau • Workshops & Seminars • Al-Anon Meetings • Experience • Strength • Hope • Childcare Available

"My precious son had just informed me that he was now using coke..."

A mother's journey from torment and loneliness to peace...

As I sat across the table in a restaurant, what was left of my world came crashing down.

My son, my precious miracle baby, who at this point was 27-years old, had just informed me that he was now using coke.  I had known for several years that he had a drinking problem, but, never in my wildest dreams did I suspect that he was using drugs! 

I had been exposed to alcoholism most of my life, and had convinced myself that drinking was not as bad as doing drugs – HOW WRONG I WAS!!!  I knew absolutely nothing about drugs.  I knew I had to do something immediately to help him. 

His appearance had changed so drastically and he was sinking into that hole of addiction so quickly. 

Complete desperation overshadowed everything in my life.  Even my prayer life had become consumed with him.  I placed him in God’s hands daily, but as I left the church, I would take him back.  I had to “fix” him. 

I decided to do an intervention.  The cost meant nothing.  I would sell everything I owned to help him and certainly, if he saw how very much I loved him and how much everyone who came to the intervention cared about him, he would want to stop. 

He agreed to go for help, but he only lasted a week, and was quickly right back to where he was before.  Only this time, it was much worse!  He was now doing crack!  What could I do??  I am his mother!  I HAD to do something! 

I could feel myself falling into my own dark hole
and I couldn’t figure out how to stop it.

On one particularly difficult day, my manager called me into her office.  My work was now being effected by the mess in my personal life. She insisted that I go to the company EAP (Employee Assistance Program), even suggesting which doctor to see.  He was a very gentle, soft spoken person, which I so desperately needed in the midst of my chaotic existence. 

After seeing him for several months, which was a great help, He asked if I would I be interested in joining a group whose sole purpose was helping families of those afflicted with the disease of addiction. The group was a good distance away, but by this time, I would have gone anywhere!  I knew I was in great need of help.

I had now come to the realization that I also had an addiction, and that addiction was my son. 

I had tried the “tough love” thing, even writing him a good-bye letter.  I told him how much I loved him and that I could no longer watch him killing himself, and that I no longer wanted to hear from him unless it was to tell me he was going into rehab.  That certainly did not work because now I was worrying twice as much not knowing anything about him.  I really needed this new group and what an interesting name it had ~ S.O.S. 

During the first several sessions, I cried often.  I could not even start to talk about why I was there without crying.  How embarrassing!  I did not want them to see all my pent-up emotions that kept flooding out; however, they welcomed me each time and made me feel comfortable, even about my crying. What a safe and caring place to be! 

Slowly, as I opened myself to this wonderful group of women and they opened up to me, I felt the connection to these people.  It was like a magnet, pulling me towards them.  As I contemplated the reason for this, I realized that we all had different stories, but we would forever be bound by a common thread ~ the disease of addiction. 

Finally, someone understood the utter torment and loneliness
I was experiencing because I could not “fix” my son! 

We each comprehended what the other person was going through and we didn’t judge each other for slipping back into old patterns; my new-found friends just provided gentle encouragement. 

Maggi, the facilitator of the group, was constantly urging us to join Al-Anon, which was something I did NOT want to do.  Years before, I had attended a few meetings and I just didn’t “fit in”.  Why would it be any different now?  However, I knew she was pointing us in the right direction.  After attending Al-Anon, I soon realized it was time to get a sponsor, another thing I did not want to do.

But again, Maggi was wiser.  I was finally on the right path, and the hole was not as deep any more.  At one meeting of SOS, Diane, its co-founder, shared a story of how she learned to “let go with love”.  I remember her saying that you cannot let go 80, 85, 95 or even 99%.  It had to be 100%!  I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how to do that!  As much as I trusted in God, I could not let go 100%.  I was his mother and God wanted me to save him.  As I look back, I now realize how completely uninformed I was. 

In November, S.O.S. sponsored an entire weekend set aside for recovering families. 

I came away from the weekend for recovering families
a changed person. 

It was there that I learned the importance of the twelve steps and that each one of them starts with an action word.  If I wanted change in my life, it would only happen when I was willing to take action and make it happen.  It was only after I started working the steps that the “letting go with love” happened.  What a wonderful release that was!

I could love my son with my whole being, but hate his addiction. I finally knew the difference, not only in my head,
but in my heart as well. 

I am still in recovery and will be for the rest of my life, but I am in MY recovery, not HIS!

This journey has been extremely difficult, but I know that God has held my hand and walked by my side every step of the way.  He led me to the right counselor, who then led me to S.O.S., who, in turn, led me to Al-Anon.

Each step was good in and of itself; however, when God helped me to put them all together, I was given the courage to change the only thing I could ~ me.  With God’s help, and that of the Sunlight of the Spirit and Al-Anon, I have a new appreciation for the person who looks back at me in the mirror each day, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.

Thank you S.O.S. for the kindness, love and care you have given to me.  I am finally out of that hole. 

I now know that I must work this program every day, or I will slide right back into that darkness ~ a place I never, ever want to be again!  You truly are the Sunlight of the Spirit!